Confucius says that everyone is born with two lives, the second one begins when you realize you only have one.
I’ve jumped two feet into living.
January 31st, 2021 marks a day that my mind changed. Something clicked. I felt sick with my choices. I couldn’t go back to living like this:
- Drinking daily, not getting drunk daily, but the slow and consistent accumulation was haunting me
- Burying myself in social media from the moment I got up to the moment I rolled over to sleep
- Letting go of working out. Even yoga ceased to spark something in me and the mat stayed rolled up in the corner
I felt polluted. I felt heavy and icky and ashamed.
Self discipline isn’t punishment, self discipline is the highest form of self love.
My partner and I had a Sunday afternoon of deep talks. And some tears. Some realizations and some “playing it out”. Where were these actions going to take us?
Change begins with action. I deleted all social media. Guided by our own intuition, we dumped any alcohol we had in the house. It pinched the pocket for a moment, watching my boxed wine go down the kitchen sink.
I imagined a tub with my monthly supply of wine.
… I certainly could not continue like that.
I wish I could bring you into this clarity of mind that I found that afternoon. It was a painful look in the mirror, but it was also a crucial catalyst for change. I can describe it as slipping on a new prescription and wondering how the world could look so sharp.
I’ll explore how I am changing my relationship with social media in a separate blog post. I’m excited to share what I’ve learned! I’ve rejoined those apps, but with eyes open a little wider. (And with all notifications turned OFF.)
You have to let go of the things (and habits) that you don’t need, in order to make space for the things that you do.
Marie Kondo with an Esta twist.
Here’s to a new day. To gratitude. To living out my best, every day of my second life. I hope the same for you.
with love , Esta 