Thoughts with Love, a series
I used to be so afraid to be by myself. I mean in a literal and spiritual sense. I would put the TV on, play music, call someone, scroll through a feed, flip on a YouTube video – all while doing another task so I could be fully distracted.
When was the last time you mindfully did a task, or did nothing, in silence?
I don’t think I am alone in this. This never-ending distraction seeking. We are being designed this way by the world.
I was dividing my own attention, even in the in between moments, to avoid the stillness of being with myself.
Now I find myself pulling weeds in sunny silence, listening to the wind and the birds in the trees.
Yes, I still seek out music, but I am more mindful about the distractions I am engaging in. Just acknowledging to myself that I am going to sit and scroll through Threads for a five-minute break, is helpful. Instead of slipping into autopilot and doom-scrolling for an hour, I am in discussion with myself as to my time and attention.
Engaging in meditation and yoga has prompted me to be with myself.
And it’s interesting, getting to know myself.
To pay attention to how I speak to myself.
As I became more aware, as I tuned in to my own inner monologues, I found I was able to tune my tone a little better.
We are our own worst critic, they say.
And we should be.
We know every unspoken insult, unuttered anger, mistake that never came to light, quiet shames that we would never admit to aloud.
Of course we would judge ourselves the hardest.
My self-awareness has allowed me to soften though.
To treat myself as I would a friend.
To get curious and learn what it is that I want. What I like. What I prefer.
I have removed the filters of what others want from me, of what others might think of me, and can see clearly that little girl in me. The one full of love and hope and faith.
I soften and cherish her. Raise her up and speak to her nicely.
And this love overflows.
Overflows to how I speak to the children in my life. Overflows in the way I speak to my husband.
The love and kindness flow easily and is not self conscious.
This is why I am so passionate about bringing the tools of meditation and yoga to more people. When we heal ourselves, we really do heal the world. I think that healing begins with a simple friendship with the self.
A team can’t win a championship if they are at war within themselves. It’s only when the team is working together, raising up their strengths and aware of and compensating for their weaknesses, that they are champions.
All this to say. I am happy to befriend the self. I wish the same for you.
Wishing you a beautiful weekend,
With love,
Esta
with love , Esta 